Aloneliness

I have heard a new term and I don’t quite understand it.  Can you explain more about “aloneliness”?

Dear What Is Aloneliness,

Sure! “Aloneliness” is a relatively new term used to describe the feeling of frustration or discomfort a person experiences when they don’t get enough alone time.  It is opposite to the feeling of loneliness, which is the discomfort from not getting enough social connection. This feeling is more commonly experienced by those who are more introverted or who just value solitude as part of their well-being. Just like loneliness, aloneliness can affect our mental health, leading to irritability, stress, or depressive symptoms if it goes unaddressed.

People experiencing aloneliness may feel anxious, frustrated, “crowded” or overwhelmed because they need more time to recharge or reflect but aren’t getting it.  Small stressors can feel magnified, making everyday interactions more challenging.  Mental fatigue increases which often results in decreased focus, reduced productivity, and eventual burnout, especially in people who rely on alone time for creativity or problem-solving. And physical health issues (like headaches, sleep problems or digestive issues) can increase as our overall wellness balance get wonky.

Solitude allows time for self-reflection, which helps a person stay connected to their values, interests, and goals. Without it, there’s a risk of losing touch with one’s identity, which can lead to dissatisfaction and restlessness.

Research has also shown that anger and aggression tend to increase in people who are experiencing aloneliness.  And this seems especially true if a person is in a committed/intimate partner relationship (because the person’s energy is depleted so they are more on edge, but still needing to engage with a significant other who lives in various levels of their personal space).  Misunderstandings and tensions can increase, as it’s easy for a partner to feel pushed away without understanding the reason.

We all need alone time in varying amounts.  Spending time by ourselves allows us to cognitively and emotionally process the life experiences of the day; to emotionally release and self regulate; to be able to reset and regroup, from time to time; and to be able to enjoy doing our own thing without pressure or interruption by others.  Without these opportunities, to whatever degree that allows each of us to stay in a healthy balanced state, our mental wellbeing diminishes.

If you are struggling with feelings of aloneliness, you might find these strategies helpful:

Set boundaries for alone time.  Clearly communicate your need for solo time to family members, friends, or colleagues. Schedule it like an appointment if possible—5 or 10 min every hour or so; an hour here and there; or a large block of time each week that’s just for you.

Use the early or late hours of your day (depending on whether you are a morning person or a night owl). If your schedule allows, carve out solitude during early mornings or late nights when others are less likely to need you. This can be a quiet time for reflection, journaling, reading, or simply relaxing.

Create a solitude sanctuary.  Designate a quiet space in your home where you can retreat for short periods. This could be a cozy corner, a chair by a window, or a garden spot. Creating a physical place associated with alone time can help reinforce the habit.

Practice mindful alone time. Sometimes, even short breaks can provide a sense of solitude. Mindfulness techniques, such as deep breathing, meditation, or listening to calming music, can make these short breaks feel more restorative.

Communicate your needs with your loved ones.  Let people around you know that solitude helps you recharge, so they’re more likely to support you in getting it. This can prevent misunderstandings or feelings of rejection.

Take solo outings. If possible, plan outings by yourself, like going to a café, taking a walk, or even running errands alone. These small solo moments outside the home can add up and satisfy your need for some undisturbed time.

Making solitude a regular part of life, even in short periods, can help!  Aloneliness needs do not require hours or days of isolation, if they are met regularly and consistently.  And the amount of alone time needed for each person is vastly different.  It just happens to be one of the first things we tend to NOT do when life gets busy.  And that is not a choice that will work for our healthy well-being, in the long-run.

Take care!

 

Do you have a question you would like us to address? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially. 

Want to start your counselling today?
Make an Appointment