Imposter Syndrome
Dear Tacit,
Last week, you explained what Imposter Syndrome is – but you didn’t mention how a person could make it go away. Any suggestions?
Signed: Need to Banish Imposter Syndrome
Dear Need to Banish Imposter Syndrome,
I would be happy to talk more about how to manage those feelings of Imposter Syndrome (we just ran out of space in the article, last week)! Imposter Syndrome is a common psychological pattern where individuals doubt their abilities and fear being exposed as a “fraud” or a “phony”. It can manifest in relationships with other people or relative to the tasks we are performing.
This is an anxiety (and sometimes depression) producing state that every human being experiences in their life. But while we are going through it, we often feel very isolated and alone (like it’s only happening to us) – we can feel immense pressure to keep the “secret” hidden from others (we worry there will be terrible outcomes if we are “found out”) – and we tend to beat ourselves up with lots of negative self talk (usually focusing on how everyone else is better than we are).
Imposter Syndrome is exhausting, defeating and self-fulfilling. It feeds low self esteem and self-doubt. And it can hold us back from pursuing the goals and dreams we have, making life a lot less pleasurable (and a lot more stressful). But there are some ways to push back against these thoughts:
First, recognize and acknowledge the thoughts you are having for what they really are (name it). You have to be able to at least consider the possibility that what you are feeling is rooted in Imposter Syndrome, and not the actual truth about your situation. Understand that Imposter Syndrome is common and that many successful people experience it. Acknowledge your feelings and identify specific thoughts and situations that trigger them.
Then try to reframe your thoughts. Challenge the negative self-talk that you are experiencing by examining the evidence. Separate your feelings from the facts of the situation. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations. Remind yourself of your skills, achievements, and the positive feedback you have received from others.
Talk about what you are feeling – expose the “secret”. Irrational beliefs tend to fester/dig in deeper when we are ruminating on them in our own head. Share your feelings with trusted friends, family, or colleagues. They can provide perspective and support. Consider joining a support group or finding a mentor who can offer guidance and reassurance.
Lean into the feelings of Imposter Syndrome when they happen, instead of fighting against them or trying to deny them. This will be the fastest/best way for you to discover why they keep happening. Try to identify the core beliefs that you have created that have resulted in the outcome of you not believing in yourself.
Focus on your opportunities for learning and growth. Don’t let Imposter Syndrome hold you back – push yourself into taking chances. Shift your mindset from one of perfectionism (which is never possible) to one of growth. Learn how to genuinely embrace mistakes as learning opportunities. Take small steps – allow yourself to do things reasonably well – and then get comfortable celebrating the progress (including the mistakes that have taught you something new) at every step of the way.
Document your achievements (this is NOT egotistical – it is a necessity in life). Keep a record of your accomplishments, positive feedback, and moments of success. Review this regularly to remind yourself of your capabilities. (Whatever we feed will grow stronger.) Reflect on how you overcame past challenges and what you learned from them.
Focus more on real gratitude (not just “appreciation”) for the accomplishments you have achieved in your life. If you are struggling with Imposter Syndrome, it’s likely you are giving “luck” a lot of the credit. Instead, acknowledge the strengths and capabilities that are within you – figure out what you did to help make the positives happen. Find the connection to yourself.
Try to limit the comparisons you make to others (especially on social media where people tend to present idealized versions of their lives). Recognize that everyone has their own unique path and strengths. Watch/Listen/Engage with curiosity and the intention of learning – not with the purpose of noticing where you aren’t good enough or what you need to do better. (The difference between these two perspectives is subtle but massively important in treating Imposter Syndrome.)
Develop a pattern of self-compassion. Be kind to yourself. Treat yourself like you would a friend. Practice mindfulness and stress-reduction techniques, such as meditation or deep-breathing exercises, when you are in the throes of the Imposter Syndrome feelings. Connect more with others, especially those that remind you of yourself (those might be appearing awkward or alone or like you are feeling, deep down inside). As you help them feel more confident, you will feel better too.
Talk to a therapist if you are struggling with how to break these patterns on your own and if Imposter Syndrome is significantly impacting your life. They can help you explore the root causes on a deeper level and give you more strategies to manage it.
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome is a process that sometimes takes time and effort. By acknowledging it and actively working to change your thought patterns (rewiring your brain), you CAN build confidence in your abilities and achievements.
Take care!
Do you have a question you would like us to address? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially.
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