Dear Tacit,
Counselling takes a long time – is there anything I can do to help me feel better right away, when I am struggling in my life?
Signed: Quick Fix
Dear Quick Fix,
Yes, actually! While counselling can be incredibly helpful, it isn’t the only thing you can do to help yourself start feeling better. In fact, there are a few areas you can focus on that may help you notice some fairly immediate changes in your overall stress levels and how you feel day to day.
We call these our “Foundations.” Think of them as the four essential building blocks upon which everything else rests. And when these foundations aren’t getting enough attention on a regular basis, everything else tends to feel harder.
We can become more emotional. More exhausted. More distracted. More irritable. Our concentration gets worse. Our patience gets shorter. And suddenly the stress from all the other aspects of life can start to creep in and feel like HUGE problems, at this point.
The four Foundations are simple: we need to get the right amounts of Sleep, Nutrition, Hydration, and Activity/Movement, every single day.
Let’s start with sleep. Your brain and body do not shut off when you are sleeping – an incredible amount of work is still being accomplished. Sleep gives your body an opportunity to rest and repair, while your brain processes information, regulates emotions and consolidates memories.
It’s not just about the number of hours you’re in bed. The quality of your sleep matters even more. Throughout the night, we need to move through different stages of sleep, including deep sleep and REM sleep. These stages repeat in cycles.
When we’re stressed, anxious or struggling emotionally, sleep is often one of the first things to get disrupted, which can then make everything else feel even more difficult. You don’t have to create the perfect sleep routine overnight. Instead, try making small changes, a little each night, until you are getting what you really need.
Maybe it’s going to bed 30 minutes earlier. Maybe it’s putting your devices away an hour before you are trying to sleep. Maybe it’s making your bedroom a little cooler or darker. Maybe it’s about trying some natural remedies if sleep problems have become persistent (steer clear of OTC Melatonin for more than just a few days).
Next is nutrition. Your body and brain need fuel. Turning on the “rest and digest” system has a huge impact on our ability to shut off (or at least calm) the crisis response that we can sometimes get stuck in.
But when we’re having a difficult time emotionally, eating can be surprisingly easy to forget. We get busy, anxious, distracted or simply don’t feel hungry (in act, we might even feel nauseous if our crisis brain is really trying to deter us from eating). Our stress hormones shut off those appetite signals – the crisis brain does not want the rest/digest system to kick in (because this would make the crisis brain inactive).
Suddenly it’s 3:00 in the afternoon and we realize all we have had for the day is three coffees and half a granola bar. Our bodies and brain aren’t thrilled with this plan! Food provides the energy and nutrients our bodies need to function, and eating regularly can help us avoid some of the physical sensations that can make stress feel even worse – things like shakiness, weakness, irritability and fatigue.
If regular meals feel overwhelming, keep it simple. You don’t need to prepare elaborate, perfectly balanced meals. Have easy foods available. Eat smaller amounts more frequently (every 1.5-2 hours or so). Keep snacks where you can see them. Something is better than nothing, as long as it is regular.
The third Foundation is hydration. Our bodies need water to function properly, and even mild dehydration can contribute a great deal to things like fatigue, headaches and difficulty concentrating.
And here’s an important distinction: coffee, pop and juice can all contain fluid, but pure water is still an essential part of staying properly hydrated.
So, keep a water bottle nearby. Drink some when you wake up. Have some with meals. Take it with you when you leave the house. Don’t wait until you’re feeling thirsty (or you are already dehydrated).
And finally, there’s activity (or movement – not necessarily exercise). When we’re struggling with our mental health, “exercise” can sound like a completely unreasonable request. If getting out of bed feels like a major accomplishment, nobody needs you to suddenly become a marathon runner. The activity that you need can be much smaller.
Walk around your house. Stretch for a few minutes. Go outside and stand in the backyard. Walk to the mailbox. Put on some music and move around the kitchen. Take the stairs instead of the elevator. The goal is simply to get your body moving, a little bit in every waking hour.
If you’re really struggling, try aiming for three small periods of activity throughout the day – morning, afternoon and evening. Even a few minutes can be a reasonable place to start. Spreading activity throughout your day can be much more manageable than deciding you’re going to do one giant workout for an hour straight, and then doing absolutely nothing for the rest of the day!
Counselling can help you understand your patterns, work through difficult experiences, develop new skills and make meaningful changes. But there are things you can do alongside that work to give your brain and body a little more support in the immediate moment of every day life.
Sometimes we make the mistake of thinking that self-care needs to be complicated. It doesn’t. Get some good quality sleep. Eat something regularly and frequently throughout your day. Drink some water and pee more often. Move your body. Then do it again tomorrow.
These things won’t magically make your problems disappear. They won’t replace professional support when you need it. And they certainly won’t solve every difficult situation in your life. But they will give your brain and body a stronger foundation from which to deal with those other difficult things. When our foundations are strong and healthy, other life stressors cannot knock us out of balance so easily.
Take care!
Do you have a question you would like us to address? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially.
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