Uncomfortable With Compliments

When I receive compliments, I get uncomfortable – how can I not just brush them off or think that they are not genuine?

Dear Uncomfortable With Compliments,

Feeling uncomfortable with compliments is common.  It often stems from a mix of personal experiences, beliefs, and conditioning. It can be especially difficult for a person who has internalized self-doubt or was raised in an environment where praise was rare or conditional. Let me explain…

If you grew up in an environment where compliments were rare or only given when you achieved something exceptional, you may have learned that praise is something you must always earn rather than it being something you inherently deserve.  Compliments might feel unfamiliar, undeserved, or even suspicious.

If, deep down inside, you believe you are not as good as others perceive you to be, compliments might clash with your internal self-image. Instead of accepting what is being said, your brain might try to “correct” the perceived mismatch by rejecting or downplaying the compliment.

Some people are taught that accepting compliments too easily is a sign of arrogance or conceit. If you grew up with messages like “Stay humble,” you might feel that accepting praise makes you seem full of yourself.

If you have encountered people who gave fake or manipulative compliments, you might instinctively question the sincerity of all praise. Even genuine compliments might may you wonder if the other person is just being polite or that they want something from you.

If you have been through experiences where your efforts, struggles, or emotions were not acknowledged, compliments might feel off – as if people don’t really see the full picture of who you are. This can make praise feel shallow, undeserved, or even frustrating.

If you tend to compare yourself to others, you might think, “If they knew the whole truth, they wouldn’t say that.” Compliments may trigger self-doubt rather than confidence.

Receiving a compliment means letting someone see something good in you—and that can make a person feel vulnerable. Brushing off praise (“Oh, it’s nothing”) can be a way to stay in control and avoid emotional exposure.

But not to worry – accepting compliments and praise graciously is a skill that can be developed.  Practice makes perfect!  Here’s how you can shift your mindset and start receiving compliments with more ease:

If your immediate reaction is to tense up or to think that you don’t deserve it, take a moment and notice the discomfort you are feeling, without judgment. Try to understand (and address) the real root issue.

Ask yourself why you feel you are perhaps not worthy of what is being said.  Allow yourself a moment to consider that maybe the other person sees something in you that you do not (yet).  Then, ask yourself what would happen if you just let yourself believe it for a moment.

When someone compliments you, resist the urge to downplay or dismiss it. Don’t deflect or contradict what is being said.  Practice pausing and simply accepting what is being offered, even if it feels awkward at first.  Instead of saying, “Oh, it was nothing” Or “You’re just being nice”, try responding with “Thanks, that means a lot” Or “That’s kind of you, I appreciate that”.

If someone takes the time to give you a compliment, believe that they mean it. Instead of questioning their sincerity, remind yourself that they wouldn’t say it if they didn’t think it was true.  And ask yourself how you would feel if you offered someone a compliment and they insisted on telling you that you were wrong.

Write down the compliments you have received. When you are feeling doubtful, look back at them. Over time, this can help rewire your brain to accept positive feedback more naturally.

It is always easier to accept compliments from others when you can compliment yourself. So, try saying something positive about yourself daily (and eventually, a few times every day) – and out loud if possible (this helps your brain accept the information as a fact).

Take care!

Do you have a question you would like us to address? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially. 

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