Wanting To Be Cherished
Wanting To Be Cherished
Dear Tacit,

How does one partner show another that they truly cherish them?

Signed: Wanting to Be Cherished

Dear Wanting to Be Cherished

To “cherish” someone means that you are protecting and caring for that person in a loving way.  The act of cherishing another person goes well beyond the words we use to express our feelings.  It is something that must be shown through our actions.  To cherish is to validate the love we have for our partner. It is an ongoing, consistent pattern; it is not a once-in-a-blue-moon treat.  Cherishing moments become a buffer for the tough times.  They fill the relationship bank account so the conflicts that also happen can not do any permanent damage.

There are many subtle, small ways to make a partner feel truly loved and cherished.  Giant gestures or expensive overtures are not necessary.  When cherishing moments are done regularly, the end result is huge.  A foundation of emotional intimacy is created, a little more each day.  And the connection between two people is nurtured, amplified and strengthened.

You can cherish your partner by:

Listening to them.  Pay attention and try to understand, when they open up to you.  Let them share about their day (even the boring, mundane things).  Give them a safe place to vent when they need to share their feelings (don’t give advice or try to change their perspective unless they ask for this kind of input).  Show your partner that their experiences matter to you just as much as your own do.

Helping out with basic tasks.  Step up to do something for your partner that they normally do themselves.  Shoulder a responsibility or burden that would normally be your partners, just for the sake of making their life a little easier that day.  Don’t wait to be asked.

Showing your attraction.  Give your partner an unexpected kiss or hug, hold hands, open the car door for them, write a little love note, bring home flowers, send a romantic emoji by text, etc.  Do these things as an in-the-moment expression of your desire for your partner, with no expectation of/pressure for anything else developing further (sexually).

Making time.  Make the effort to touch base with your partner throughout the day, and let them know you are thinking of them.  Learn about who your partner really is (not just the role they are performing).  Be interested in your partner – get to know their hopes and dreams.  And spend quality time together, focusing only on your relationship together (not the kids, the job, the house, the bills).

Giving compliments. Saying nice things about how your partner looks is always appreciated.  But dig deeper.  Tell your partner why you feel lucky to have them in your life.  Give regular examples (old memories, feelings that you have now) of the “specialness” that exists in your relationship together.

Being emotionally vulnerable yourself.  There is no greater display of trust, love and caring than when you share parts of yourself with your partner.  Include them in your life by making them a part of your experiences (even after the fact).  Tell them about your thoughts, feelings and activities, every day (even if you think they would not be interested).  Keep that connection going strong, in both directions, by sharing your own hopes/dreams, stressors, and needs.

Creating space.  I know this might sound contrary, but you and your partner both also need time to yourselves.  Cherishing does not mean suffocating. You sometimes need to be able to do things on your own, or with a group of your own friends.  And by respecting this need and giving yourself and your partner the freedom to enjoy this space, you are showing your love and trust for one another.

Take care!

Have a question? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially. 

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