Dear Tacit,
I am an emotional eater. Whenever I am stressed, I eat too much, and I seem to crave a lot of sugar – especially chocolate. Any suggestions?
Signed: Stress Eater
Dear Stress Eater,
I want to acknowledge that sometimes these kinds of cravings can be a biochemical physiological reaction. Our body might be telling us that we are running low on some of the chemicals that we need for healthy functioning. (There are some great online charts that can provide alternative suggestions for how to manage these deficiencies in different ways. You can also chat more with your doctor or a registered dietician, to get a better sense of what your physical self is needing.)
And sometimes, like you are describing, these urges can be an emotional response to a day that has been a complete disaster. Stress can affect appetite, cravings and the way our brains respond to highly rewarding foods. When we are stressed, tired or emotionally depleted, quick sources of energy and foods that give us a pleasurable experience can become especially appealing. That chocolate bar or donut suddenly seems to be the one thing that will make things feel better.
Please know that emotional eating isn’t a character flaw or a lack of willpower. It is a behaviour that has probably developed because, at some point, eating helped you feel better. Food can provide comfort, distraction, pleasure, a sense of control or even a little break from whatever is happening around us. Once you can recognize your pattern, you have somewhere to start.
One approach is to look at the stress itself. Ask yourself what is really going on when you get those urges to emotionally eat, so you can get to the root of the problem. Are you are feeling overwhelmed or are you perhaps really tired because you are not sleeping enough. Maybe you have been taking on too much, or feeling lonely, or worrying about some sort of conflict or a situation that you can’t control.
Sometimes the food isn’t actually the problem we need to solve. The food is the solution we have found for another problem. And it’s the problem that needs more attention.
That doesn’t mean you need to eliminate chocolate or create a list of “bad” foods. In fact, putting foods into strict good/bad categories can sometimes make the cycle worse. Instead, try becoming more curious about what happens immediately before you eat. This is where mindful eating can be really helpful.
Mindful eating isn’t about eating perfectly, counting every bite or turning dinner into a meditation exercise. It’s simply about slowing down enough to actually notice what you are doing.
It’s about pausing for a moment before you grab the food that you are craving, and figuring out if you are physically hungry, emotionally hungry, or a little bit of both. It’s about noticing what the actual need might be – is your tummy growling because it’s empty, or are you tried, or in need of a distraction or an emotional pick-me-up?
Eating mindfully doesn’t mean you have to talk yourself out of eating. It means you are allowing yourself to make a conscious and well-informed decision instead of just automatically following a habit.
When you do decide to indulge, try eating with intention. Put the food on a plate, sit down and actually enjoy it. Taste it. Notice the texture and flavour. Eat it without scrolling through your phone or standing in the kitchen. Give yourself permission to enjoy it rather than eating quickly and then feeling guilty.
There is a big difference between “I shouldn’t be eating this, but I can’t stop myself” and “I’ve decided I want some chocolate, and I’m going to enjoy it.” The second one puts you back in the driver’s seat.
It can also help to create a little space between the emotional trigger and the food. You might try a 10- or 20-minute pause rather than making a rule that you absolutely cannot eat. During that time, do something that changes your physical and emotional state of being: go for a walk, have a shower, listen to music, call someone, step outside, stretch, make a cup of tea or simply sit somewhere quiet.
Then check in with yourself again. Sometimes the craving will still be there. Sometimes it will have passed. Either way, you have learned more about your pattern.
And don’t forget the basics. When we’re exhausted, dehydrated, skipping meals or running on caffeine and stress on an ongoing basis, it becomes much harder to recognize hunger and fullness signals. Regular meals, enough water, adequate sleep and some physical activity at proper intervals throughout the day can make a surprisingly big difference.
I’d also encourage you to look for replacement sources of comfort. If food is currently your main way of calming yourself, you don’t necessarily need to take it away – you need to give yourself more options.
Maybe it’s talking with a friend. Maybe it’s getting outside. Maybe it’s cuddling the dog, watching something funny, having a bath, doing something creative, getting involved in a community activity or simply giving yourself permission to rest.
Most importantly, try replacing judgment with curiosity. Instead of, “Why did I eat all of that? What’s wrong with me?” Try, “Interesting. I was really stressed today, and food became my way of coping. What was I actually needing?” That question can open up a whole new conversation with yourself. One that is supportive and compassionate instead of critical and harsh (which likely just triggers more cravings).
Our eating habits often tell us something. Sometimes they are telling us we’re hungry. Sometimes we’re tired. Sometimes we’re looking for comfort. Sometimes we’re overwhelmed. And sometimes we’re simply craving chocolate because chocolate tastes really good!
The goal isn’t to become someone who never emotionally eats. We’re human. The goal is to develop enough awareness that food becomes one choice among many, rather than the only tool in your toolbox. Sometimes figuring that out is where the real healing begins.
If you notice that emotional eating is happening frequently, feels impossible to control, or is causing significant distress, talking with a therapist, doctor or close friend can be really helpful. You don’t have to figure it all out by yourself.
Stay tuned for next week’s article – I will share specific strategies that can help a person develop some healthier eating habits.
Take Care!
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