Resists Help
Dear Tacit,
My partner is struggling with mental health issues. But no matter what support I suggest, he refuses. It’s almost like he wants to stay stuck. What can I do?
Signed: Resists Help
Dear Resists Help,
It is not at all unusual for a person to resist help when they are dealing with a mental health issue. Those who are willing to access some support often end up hitting a wall in their progress at certain points too, because change is scary and hard (even when it’s a change that everyone says will be a good one, eventually). There are many reasons why a person might resist the support that can seemingly make their life much easier.
Stigma and Shame – mental health issues are still seen as a sign of weakness or failure for some people/cultures. People may fear being judged or ostracized by family, friends, or society if they reach out for help. Individuals may feel embarrassed or ashamed about needing help, viewing their struggles as personal flaws rather than treatable conditions.
Denial or Lack of Awareness – people may not want to acknowledge that they are struggling, believing they can “tough it out” or that, with enough time, the problem will just go away on its own. Sometimes, individuals may not even realize they have a mental health issue (this is especially true for teens and young adults, whose brain’s have not fully finished growing yet). They may attribute their feelings to stress, fatigue, or life circumstances (blaming everyone else) without recognizing the need for professional help.
Fear of Vulnerability – opening up about mental health can make a person feel exposed or vulnerable. They may worry that others will see them differently if they admit they’re struggling. No one likes feeling helpless and powerless. Seeking help involves stepping into unfamiliar territory, which can be intimidating. People may fear what they will uncover about themselves or how difficult the recovery process will be.
Mistrust of Mental Health Professionals – some people may have had negative experiences with certain medications, therapists or healthcare providers in the past, leading to distrust of the help that is available to them. Some people may be skeptical of the process of therapy, thinking that talking about their problems can’t help or that they won’t connect with the right therapist for their needs.
Fear of Change – even if a person’s current mental state is distressing, some people find comfort in what is familiar. The idea of changing their mindset, habits, or behaviors can be daunting. For people who rely on unhealthy coping strategies (e.g., substance use, avoidance), seeking help might mean letting go of those methods, which they may not feel ready to do.
Financial Barriers – therapy, medication, and other mental health treatments can be expensive. Many people may avoid seeking help due to financial concerns or a lack of insurance coverage.
Time and Effort – mental health treatment often requires time, effort, and consistency. Some individuals may resist because they feel overwhelmed by the commitment or feel they don’t have the time. Others might want a “quick fix” and struggle with being ready to put the work into the process.
Fear of Being Labeled -people may fear being “labeled” with a mental illness, worrying that it will define them or become a permanent part of their identity. People may worry that being diagnosed with a mental health issue will affect their relationships, career, or reputation.
Hopelessness – when someone has been struggling for a long time, they might believe that help won’t make a difference. This sense of hopelessness can prevent them from seeking assistance.
Minimizing the Issue – some people downplay the severity of their mental health issues, thinking they don’t need help because others “have it worse.”
Fear of Medication or Treatment Side Effects – people may be concerned that they will need prescribed medication, and they worry about potential side effects or becoming dependent on it. It can take time to find the right medication for each person, and some people feel overwhelmed by the uncertainty that might result as they work through this process.
Clinging to An Old Self Perception – people may have difficulty trusting that others know more about how to cope/deal with the issues than they do. They may resist change if they feel they lack the skills or knowledge to succeed in the new situation. A person may struggle to let go of how they have been seeing themselves (sometimes for many years), which is necessary if they are to be able to embrace a new self perception filled with hope.
Admitting that we have a problem and being willing to allow others to help us is difficult and unsettling for many people. It brings with it a loss of control. There is a fear of the unknown – an uncertainty about what the future might hold and whether we can truly change – which is uncomfortable for many people. Facing our mental health issues can sometimes feel like we have lost control over our life in some ways and this can create its own anxieties. It takes time to feel safe enough to be open to the change process – and until we are, the resources people offer to us will not be embraced.
Take care!
Do you have a question you would like us to address? Please feel free to reach out to us at counsellors@tacitknows.com. Your answer will be provided confidentially.
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