Don’t Want To Be A Burden

Yes, it’s completely normal to feel that way. Many people hesitate to share their struggles because they don’t want to burden others, or they fear being judged, or they feel like they should handle things on their own. Opening up to someone else also requires a level of emotional vulnerability that many people are uncomfortable giving.

However, consider this – if someone you cared about was struggling, would you want them to open up to you? Most likely, you would want to support them, not see them suffer alone. The people who genuinely care about you likely feel the same way. And in order to be a good friend to them (or an equal partner in a loving relationship) you need to be able to also RECEIVE the care that you are able to give so easily to those around you (it cannot be a one-way street, if you expect it to last/be healthy).

Opening up doesn’t mean unloading everything at once—it can be as simple as sharing a small piece of what you’re feeling. It can actually strengthen your relationships, deepen trust, and remind you that you’re not alone.  You will probably be surprised by how much your loved ones want to be there for you.  But because you are used to keeping things to yourself, opening up might feel weird or scary at first.

 Here are some ways to make it easier:

Start small and with low-stakes.  You don’t have to jump into deep conversations right away.  Begin with something simple: “Today was a rough day,” or “I’ve been feeling a little off lately.”  Gauge the other person’s response – if they seem open and supportive, you can share a bit more.

Choose the right people and the right moments to try.  Not everyone is great at handling the same kinds of discussions. Think about who in your life has been understanding and supportive in the past. Find a moment when they are present and not distracted – maybe during a walk, car ride, or while you are sitting around, hanging out together.

Use a buffering comment to help frame what you are about to do. If it feels scary to be vulnerable, say something like, “I’m not expecting advice, I just need to say this out loud.” This takes the pressure off them to “fix” anything and lets them just listen.

Text it or write it out first, as practice.  If talking face-to-face feels hard, consider texting or writing a letter. This gives you space to express yourself without the immediate pressure of a conversation.

Pay attention to the positive feelings you experience after you do open up, even a little. You might notice that you feel lighter, and the people who care about you might respond with warmth and appreciation. Allow this awareness to sink in and replace the worry and reluctance that you were feeling initially.

The more you share, the easier it gets. Practice and make it a habit that grows (slowly).  Start with small updates on your emotions, and over time, you’ll feel more comfortable opening up about deeper things.

But expect some disappointments, too. People will let you down at times.  Don’t take it personally.  And try to give the person you are trusting more than just a few chances to get it right.

One last thought – if letting people see the real you causes you discomfort, try to figure out why.  Perhaps you are feeling a little inferior or “less-than” when you think of yourself relative to the people that you care about.  Perhaps you doubt your ability to be as funny, or as smart, or as interesting as the people who are in your life.  These thoughts are not true!  The people who love you do so for a reason – because you are very worthy of their respect and caring. They see you as their equal – so you might need to explore why you do not feel the same way.

Take care!